To Sport the Short

To Sport the Short
15 Truths of Having Short Hair.

1)  Drastic hair cuts are apparently the universal cry for help. Be prepared to answer questions such as "What is going on? So, are you doing ok?" "How long do you have left?" Going from long, polygamy style locks to an Ellen hairdo is a guaranteed way to send out the bat signal to all of your loved ones.

2) Be prepared to have women check the restroom's gender indication twice when walking in on you washing your hands. I have found that a simple "yes, you are in the right bathroom," usually dispels any hesitation.

3) "Cool, Fun, Crazy, Easy, Daring" are adjectives to describe your stripper aunt, not hair. Be prepared to hear those "compliments" from people who have no idea how else to describe your shag.

4) I guess it is a "turn off" to ask guys to help you find your cowlicks.

5) After any drastic hair change that may leave you feeling vulnerable, ensure your first stop is not one where children will be present. Their honesty and terror will get anyone wig shopping on Amazon faster than you can say "Aunt Calie, are you sick??"

6) It doesn't hit until later. I didn't grasp the gravity of what happened until I had left the salon. Even while my grimacing hairdresser was pruning the inches off as other women stood by, sobbing, pleading "why? why!?"  I didn't feel anything; until minutes after pulling away, while sitting at a stop light, I looked over and saw my trusty, yellow hair donut that had saved me from so many slept through alarms. I took the donut, picked off the last remaining evidence of my girl like hair, and sobbed. It didn't help that "Lovely Ladies," from Les Miserable was playing in the back ground...and I didn't even get paid 10 francs...

7) Yes girls, boys really do have it THAT easy. It takes me a grand total of three minutes to get ready in the morning.

8)...But you get to wear braids and ponies and messy buns....

9)  Bye Bye t-shirts. I thought I had a feminine enough face to still sport some of my more androgynous articles of clothing-that is until I went into a local Maverick wearing one of my favorite BYU T-shirts. I was getting my beverage of choice, Diet Mt. Dew, when a girl bumped into me. Before I could even offer my reactive "oh sorry," she exclaimed "my bad, sir."
My designated t-shirt drawer is now empty...

10) I do not look like Charlize Theron or Jennifer Lawrence.

11) Do not cut your hair in hopes that you will resemble a hot celebrity.

12)  Do not rely on the possibility your hairstylist will disagree with you when suggesting that you try an extreme hairdo...

13) Hair Bipolar Disorder is common. One moment, I'll catch my profile in the mirror and can't help but smile while mouthing a "well, hello there." Then, the next mirror or window I pass, I do a visible double take after I have horrifically mistaken my reflection for a man's...or Ferris Bueller's mom. The first week is certainly a roller coaster of loving and hating the new dew.

14) Do not cut your hair short based on the well known and over coined phrase "Hair will always grow back."  Yes, it will...in three years. And before that, one must go through the dreaded awkward, Professor Snape type hair phase first. If you are not patient enough to keep a "Chi Chi Chi" Chia (or brave looking like one) then you probably shouldn't sport the short.

15) If you weren't confident before, you will be- mainly out of necessity. Everyone and their ultra conservative grandmas are going to have an opinion- and I assure you they will tell you about their friend of a friend who's cousin's boyfriend dumped her when she chopped her locks or warn you of the distant relative who has yet to find employment due to their wild new hairdo. Just remember, when in doubt, listen to the only sound advise T-Swift has offered as of late. Haters gonna hate. So do you boo boo.